Understanding

So, word around the street is... that girl is single. I don't know how or why, and frankly, I'm not concerned about it. I guess the source I got it from is sort of shady - some anonymous person on MySpace who won't even tell me who they are. But I'm pretty sure it's true.

I'm not sadistic or anything. I actually think it's really sad, and if she hadn't terrorized me so much, I might actually tell her I'm sorry that it didn't work out - because for anybody it's a bad feeling when something they thought was real turns out not to be. I wouldn't really know, though. After all, Erik was my first boyfriend - and now he's my fiance. We're not perfect, but we're real - and unfortunately, she probably hasn't experienced something real, because she doesn't open herself to it, and she doesn't believe in it.

I can tell that everything that girl does - all the stalking and swearing and making up stories - is because she isn't happy with her life, for one reason or another. Nothing she does hurts me anymore because of that fact, because you know what? When push comes to shove, I am happy, regardless of anyone's opinion on my life or the company I keep, and while I feel sorry for her, I'm not dumb enough to change anything about my life according to the opinion of someone who's obviously miserable with their own. She doesn't believe in the kind of love that Erik and I have, even more because if she'd just been a decent person, then maybe it could have been hers. And because she doesn't believe in it, relationships to her are just sex and putting on a front for people to see. They're not about deep, meaningful connections, or the happiness you get just knowing that the other person cares about you.

I just hope that one day, she meets someone who's going to turn her around - teach her how to think of others instead of herself, someone who will make her so happy that she doesn't need to see other people suffer to make her life seem decent in comparison. I don't harbor any anger anymore, because she probably has her reasons for being the way she is. She's one of those people who really just has problems, and you can't really do anything but pray for them.

I know, it's a little naive to try and see a decent human being in someone who's given you no reason to believe it. But when all is said and done, I know that she's just very confused and needs direction in her life. I don't have any anger towards her anymore. Annoyance? Perhaps. But not anger - because having to deal with her has taught me a valuable lesson.

Regardless of what I'd like to believe about the nature of humanity, there are people out there who truly do feel motivated to make others suffer, even if they don't deserve it - and it may not be because they enjoy it, but because they harbor a sort of bitterness inside them that consumes them totally. But just because those people exist doesn't mean you have to become like them. Those people and their misery, and knowing that they're going to end their days as hopelessly lost as they began them - that in and of itself should teach you that as much as bitterness kills your soul, love and hope can heal it.