American Idol - Kansas City Auditions

Here we are in Kansas City where we're hosting...a buttload of unattractive freaks, according to this opening montage! OH. FREAKING. YEAH.
...Kansas City is in Missouri?
JASON CASTROOOOOO...is here to support his baby brother. :P
First girl up, "I've sang for as long as I can remember. In middle school - " That's as far as you can remember? Chelsea Marquadt, the cocky singing...Furby thing. Wow. Should have seen this coming. Go back to middle school. A cat jumping off the Empire State Building.
Ashley Anderson - Simon shouldn't have interrupted, that was rude, but she bounced back well. I don't like the fake eyelashes, but I think she's good. Simple.
***
David Cook montage was cute - I liked his emo boy look for his audition.
Okayyyy, more cute bubbly girls! Casey Carlson. She seems like a cuter brunette, more theatrical version of Kellie Pickler. And she sort of looks like Leighton Meester. I agree with the judges, I like her. Her face reminds me of Kristin Chenoweth too.
Fast forward through drumers, backflippers, dolphin imitators...and fast forward through this next audition. I don't even want to talk about Brian. No.
Cue a crying montage - dramatic screaming from a girl with a weave, and a chorus in the background.
***
And someone on helium, I didn't catch his name. And Billy Vinson singing a Disney classic. A Disney Princess. Someone butchering Josh Groban. Deandre Hopkins in ghetto fabulosity butchering Amazing Grace.
A boy who looks like Lucas Grabeel who "attempts things that guys don't normally try to sing." Von Smith is overdoing it a little bit, that's why he's cracking, but he has a very good voice. He should try something softer, maybe a crooning sort of vibe. I personally like him a lot. He's cute and the fedora helps.
***
And after the dramatic commercial break, here are the results!
BABY CASTRO. Michael Castro sucks at interviews even more than his brother, but they are apparently very different. Because Jason Castro has emotions. And Jason Castro has those baby blues. Those baby blues that I voted for...ANYWAY! He started singing 20 days before his audition. He's not terrible, and has a much stronger voice than his brother, but does not live up to Gavin Degraw at all. Simon hit it on the head, it was "goodish." I don't dig the pink mohawk, and he seems a lot more girly than his brother, contrary to what he said.
Sidenote, Kara looks much better with straight hair, because when it's curly, she reminds me of Giada on Food Network.
***
Vaughn English would like to ask you...Do you want a banana?
Alright. Big burly bald man with a cute baby. That's more like it. BABY! Every contestant should bring their baby. Matt Breitzke is a welder/singer who remind me of Joe the plumber.
I LOVE "AIN'T NO SUNSHINE!" WE HAVE A WINNER!!!!!!!!! ...wait, he messed up a little. Ok, maybe not a winner. The song's a winner, though. He sounds like he should be singing with a harmonica in the background.
And here's Jasmine Joseph, singing "Over the Rainbow." Which happens to be her hair. Thank you for leaving silently.
And I just caught on with the Wizard of Oz references. Kansas City. Hah. Blonde moment.
Jessica Furney comes off as a very simple girl, a sorta pre-fame Kelly Clarkson. I like her a lot - and it's her birthday!
Oh look! Two sisters that look like Jack Sprat who could eat no fat and whose wife could eat no lean...anyway. Uh. Rapping on American Idol? Fast Forward to singing. Asia is terrible. India Morrison is better but mediocre. Kinda whiny, like 80's R&B music. Even the names! They're named after continents! But the sisterly love is nice.
Now, Jamar Rogers and his anorexic mohawk. His voice reminds me someone who would pay Collins in RENT. It gets a little abrasive, and he could work on his control, but he can do well. I love California Dreaming.
Here comes his best friend! Man hug! Wait for it, after this commercial break!
***
This man's story is heartbreaking. Even more than Scott last night. And home videos of his proposal! I actually am tearing up, because I can't imagine what he must be feeling, losing his wife. Danny Gokey - that high note was PERFECTION. He's my new Elliott Yamin! I love him! I just want to jump into the TV and hug him! And his smile is so cute! *gushgushgush* EXPLODING KNUCKLEBUMPS!!! And he dedicated it to his wife. :)
Now, a whole new kind of tragedy. Like these girls' voices. I think I really just threw up a little in my mouth. They sound terrified.
Alright. Now, here's Anoop-dog who studied barbecue and has a uni-brow. To be honest, have we ever had a Middle-Eastern frontrunner on American Idol? Maybe it's about time, just get this boy a makeover. Anoop-Dog really is in the house, haha.
"Heww I am, signed, sealed, delivewwed!"
Another montage! Yay! And...Paula bouncing.
***Uhm. Ugly cheerleaders. No comment.
And here's Andrew Lang - he sounds a little prepubescent, but apart from that, it's cute! Not amazing, but cute. I would have given this guy a chance, because I like theatrical.
Now, Asa is a cute middle school band instructor with an adorable daughter! See! Cute kids help! His falsetto is pretty bad at points, but he's pretty charming
***I hope they don't take advantage of someone differently abled, Michael Nicewonder. This is just an all-time low for Idol, how do they expect the judges to react?
Urgh. That makes me angry. But moving on...
She reminds me of that creepy Jamaican girl in Pirates of the Caribbean - oh shit! That's a man, its name is Dennis. Whatever it is, make it stop. PLEASE...he...
...made it? o_O
***
Mia Conley. "And every time we...Ooooh."
It huuuuuuurts. She sounds like she's STILL asleep. "You guys are wrong and God's gonna make you pay for it."
And our last contestant of the night, Lil Rounds - another closer with a backstory. She's cliche to me, sorry. Very good, but cliche. We need something new. Like...Danny Gokey. He's my new fave!