Fighting Spirit?

You know what? There's no way to reason around it -- I always feel like I need to do better, and that I need to be the best, though I'm usually pretty skeptical that I even can be.

Basically, I can't be satisfied just coasting through and "doing my best" unless I know it's as close as I can possibly get to being the best. I know, I'm overcompetitive. Especially in school -- probably one of the reasons why I wasn't quite sure I fit in working at SCube. It's just that when it comes down to the nitty gritty of things, I relate myself to people in four categories:

1. Perfect strangers.
2. People I love.
3. People I hate.
4. COMPETITION.

So if I've met you, I'm rarely indifferent towards you. I love you, I hate you, or you're competition. Sometimes, I'll love you in a purely platonic sense, or hate you with a passion, and even then, you're competition nonetheless. I don't like dicking around. Hell, I hated group projects in school because I felt like it was sink or swim -- I'd help the people who I was loyal to, because anyone who knows me well enough knows I'm loyal to a fault. But to help out anyone else, people who'd just turn out to be competition? I hated it. And while I was on the newspaper staff, I hated answering to people I knew I was better than, that I had more ambition, potential, and ability than.

I've been this way for as long as I could remember. Consciously or not, I think I've always intentionally tried to be honest about how I smart I was, to make myself unapproachable because I've always wanted to be able to focus on my goals. I'm a sentimental person, no doubt about it, but also, I'm so effing driven, it's not even funny. But being this way really does make me happy -- that's the thing -- and it's gonna get me somewhere, because it's genuine.

Problem is, sometimes I get competitive with people who I shouldn't -- I try to be prove I'm better than someone that no one would even think to compare me to. I create competition where there should be none, and that, I think, is a habit I could afford to break.