You know what's sad?

I can't remember what it's like to have him around anymore. I can't remember actually talking about all of my problems with someone and having them give me more than one sentence in response. I can't remember what it's like to have someone actually around for me, and I'm not sure if I'm gonna like it anymore.

I'm starting to like being alone on things. It's something I can count on. It's not really something positive to count on, but at least I know what to expect. It's something I can count on happening.

Having a conversation with him is like pulling teeth, because nothing he says is ever really directed towards me. It's always generic conversation. He doesn't say anything to me that he wouldn't say to anyone else who asked him "how are you?"

I just HATE this. I hate everything about it. It feels like talking to a parrot who just repeats the same thing to everyone they talk to. I remember when we used to talk about 'us', and what we were going to do for the rest of our lives together. Now, we NEVER do that. We never talk about us. We never talk about life. We talk about the weather, and being pissed off at everyone, and his psychotic ex-girlfriend.

He has more to say to his psychotic ex-girlfriend than he does to me nowadays.

And it's sad, because I have these deep, interesting conversations with people at school, and the only way we know each other is the fact that w have classes together. Why can't the person who's supposed to care about me more than anyone even manage a meaningful conversation with me when we've known each other for years? No matter how much I try, I'm lucky to get a complete sentence out of him. It's never been this bad.